Do the Dew
by Kirii
Summary: It had started as a normal day for her. Daily routine, check. Traumatize classmates, check. Getting herself and her friend caught between a wall and a Transformer? Uh. . .what now? Crack OCxDispensor


**Title:** Do The Dew  
**Rating:** PG  
**Pairings:** OC/Dispensor  
**Notes: **I spent way too much time playing with a random pairings generator and this idea just popped into my head because it is **totally** something I'd do. It's complete crack. Do not take this even half-way seriously.  
**Disclaimer: **These days, I don't even own myself, much less any Transformers.

**-Do The Dew-**

Kirii, by no means, was a morning person. She was, in fact, such a bad morning person that she was not entirely awake until close to noon, despite having been awake and out of bed since seven o'clock in the morning. She'd gone through her daily routine of get up, get dressed, play a questionably quick game of Tetris, put her stuff together, haul herself out of the house and down four blocks to the bus stop for the ride to the local community college she attended. It was typical, it was monotonous, it was life.

Wonderful.

By the time that Kirii got to the college, she was running late for her Basics of Computing class. No time yet to stop in the hall ways for her daily dose of caffeine. Almost running across campus, the young woman only barely made it to the classroom in time before class started, making her way through the rows of tables to the back of the room, where she'd cause the least amount of brain damage to her fellow students; she'd, again, being reading hardcore robot porn on the bus and. . .well, no need to say where _her_ mind was.

Fifty minutes, two warnings about giggling when the teacher mentioned interfacing and three traumatized classmates later, Kirii exited the classroom and headed straight for the building across the campus where the group known as The Table Dwellers. . .well, dwelled. She made record time getting there and waved at a couple of her friends before turning the corner to where the Miracle to Man on Earth sat:

The Mountain Dew machine.

Oh, yes. That was truly God's gift to Mankind. And at just a buck a pop, miraculous. Pulling a dollar out her pocket, Kirii approached the machine, noting dubiously that the college had, once again, switched machines on her. At least this one had more buttons for actual Mountain Dew and not a bunch of those nasty Splenda-made flavored waters. The young woman was about to make her purchase when Rena came up behind her, placed a hand on her shoulder and, actually, made her jump.

"Rena!" Kirii groaned. "Don't sneak up on me before I've had my caffeine! You know it's dangerous!"

"Sorry, sorry," Rena apologized, grinning. "I just wanted to say hi." The dark-haired teen looked over at the vending machine. "Didn't they just change machines last week?"

Kirii shrugged. "Guess they thought this one would be better. Sad, though. I'll miss Puppy."

Rena shook her head, bemused at the older girl. "You named the vending machines?"

"Just the ones that obey me and give me caffeine."

"You're weird, you know that?" Rena asked.

"Says the one who convinced me to name my boobs after a fictitious set of robotic twins," Kirii replied dryly. She turned back to the machine and reached out to slide her dollar into the 'Insert Bill' slot.

However, before she could, the machine began to shake violently. Surprised, both Kirii and Rena stepped back, pressing against the brick wall two feet behind them. As they watched, the machine continued to shake, the tremors strengthing as they continued. Students in the hall came over to see what was going on, why the room was shaking, only to have their jaws drop at the machine began to shift and change.

"Oh, my god!" one of the students shouted. "I've seen this in a movie before, I know it!"

The machine continued shifting, limbs extending from it and glowing red optics appearing from the center of it. Shrieks of terror echoed throughout the hall as students began running out of the building. Kirii, Rena and a handful of Table Dwellers remained in the building; there wasn't really anyplace for Kirii and Rena to go, anyways, since they were currently caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. The machine had changed so much that the two girls were pinned to the wall behind them.

"Well, what now?" Rena squeaked.

Kirii hesitated. Well, hesitated is the wrong word. It was more she paused to consider her options; get down on her knees and thank whatever god liked her enough to do this to her or throw herself at the machine and pray she didn't get killed immediately for invading its personal space. Rena looked at Kirii, saw the older girl's thoughtful expression and paled.

"Oh, no," she said. "You're not crazy enough. . ."

"Rena, darlin'," Kirii grinned. "Never assume that I'm not crazy enough."

With that, Kirii pounced, wrapping her arms around the now fully transformed Dispensor and let out a high-pitched squeal of delight. The poor robot had no idea of what to make of this fleshling femme. The creature was not acting like he was used to; the femmes in Mission City had screamed, ran, broke down leaking lubricants from their optics or otherwise made some indication of absolute terror. This femme. . .she was not doing anything to show any amount of fear. Instead, she was all but rubbing her body against his, something that was actually quite terrifying for _him_. He turned his red optics to the other femme that had been standing with the one that was currently squishing against him and _cooing_.

Rena paid little attention to the looks Dispensor gave her. She was a little too busy staring at Kirii, torn between staying silent in her questions to the older girl's mental state and screaming "Kirii, what the _hell_ are you _doing_?!" at the top of her lungs. She decided to play it safe and just giving a shrug.

"Hey, Rena?" Kirii asked, pausing in her affections to look to her friend.

"What?"

"Is it legal in Washington to marry a vending machine?"

**-Fin-**


End file.
